8 and 9 months

Good thing I'm not the sentimental type because I forgot all about his 8 month postThis child is never still. I dont think there was much of a change between months 6 and 7. Here he is 9 months:
A couple of things he's learned recently:

-Getting real good at bye-bye. Before, he would wave bye bye randomly especially after you would feed him a bite of food. So I thought he was signing for milk. Now, he'll wave bye-bye when you say "bye bye"...sometimes.
-Started cruising! He'll hold on to the coffee table and walk around
-We're doing a mix of a military crawl and crawling on all fours. He's so fast at military crawling, I dont think he'll ever switch to being on all fours.
-'Ai Ai' - Translating from Chinese, its 'Love Love'. When you say this, Grayson will lean his head on you....sometimes. So sweet. Really makes you melt.
-We're doing a lot of finger foods which sometimes drives this OCD mom crazy. This kid is messy :) Good thing we have Chloe around to clean up
-Naps- UGH! Naps are no good. Who can blame him though with all the crazy construction going on around. At first, we tried going over to my parents for naps, but he didnt do well in the pack n play. Seeing how there is one more empty lot directly in front of his room and a few more on our street, I'm doing the tough love CIO. He's got to learn how to sleep through all of this noise. We have white noise playing in his room and it literally sounds like a tornado is coming through. How do babies in NY sleep?
-He started moving his head like Stevie Wonder. I dont know if this is a dance move or he's discovered a new muscle. We were so embarrassed when we asked the doctor about it yesterday. He assured us there was nothing wrong though.

I feel like he's not a little baby anymore. He's so curious and its so fun to watch him explore the world around him.

weight

Pre-baby, I struggled with weight for the longest time before finally just accepting my body for what it was. I thought in order to be pretty I had to be the typical size 0 Asian. In reality, my body was just not made that way. I don't have a speedy metabolism and I LOVE LOVE FOOD. I'm tall, big boned and I've got a big bootay that I sometimes feel could rival Kim Kardashian. I probably struggled with feeling good about my body throughout most of college and probably into my late 20s. I think the 2 times I was the skinniest was at my wedding and right before I got pregnant with Grayson. I have no idea what my weight was because ironically, I didnt care about numbers at that time and never stepped on a scale. I just remember those were the only two times people commented about my weight.

I thought putting on weight while I was pregnant would be the best thing in the world. I mean, at what other point in my life would I have an excuse as to why I was getting fat. I was wrong. It was great at first...until the numbers just kept climbing....20lbs, 30lbs, 40lbs. I dont even remember how many weeks I was at when I had passed the "average healthy pregnancy weight gain".

They were discussing Jessica Simpson's weight gain on the Today show yesterday and it really hit me. I think we gained about the same amount. Although I dont know exactly how much weight I gained, I think its around 65lbs. I know the number was well over 200 only cause I accidentally saw on the scale. My doctor never commented on my weight. She said as long as everything was ok, then I could stop worrying. At some point, I told the nurses to just please stop saying my weight outloud and to cover up the numbers. It was the other doctors and nurses I had to see that would say, "Do you know how much weight you've gained?" Do you know how that makes a pregnant girl feel????? Hormones.

Everyone kept saying, "Oh the weight will come off cause you're breastfeeding." Not true here. I felt like I was eating all the time while I was breastfeeding. I dont think I've ever felt worse about myself. I absolutely hated looking at myself in the mirror everyday. It didnt help that I had nothing to wear. I went from a size 4 (before baby) to a size 10 (after baby). I cant even believe I've written all the numbers out. It almost feels freeing. I'm not going to lie, knowing that I could stop eating so much did help me make my decision to quit breastfeeding. I've got to be both physically and mentally healthy to take care of Grayson, right?

So here we are, Grayson is about to turn 9 months and I have 8 lbs to lose. I've been stuck at 8lbs for a few weeks now. I'm able to fit into my old jeans, but it aint pretty. I can fit into some old tops and dresses. I'm finally starting to feel better about myself. Better, not good. There are times when I look in the mirror and feel disgusted, but better is an improvement. I am writing it all out so I can remind myself what I am working towards when I want to take a bite into that chocolate cupcake. Sure there are times to indulge, but I need to remind myself I dont need to stuff my face in order to enjoy it.

A letter to the home builders

**just a note to mention i typically dont cuss, but i feel like my head is about to explode
***would this be categorized under first world problems?

Dear Home Builder in my neighborhood,

Can you please shut the 'ef' up? I understand we live in a new community and cant avoid the construction, but could you have timed it a little better? I walk to the back of my house, I hear banging, I walk to the front of the house, I hear banging. I feel like I cant live in my home anymore. I am surrounded by constant banging and shouting. You are working on three houses behind us and you just started on one across from us, right by my baby's room. My 8 month old baby.

Did you know that babies need to nap during the day? Did you know they cant nap when there is constant loud noise around them? Do you know what happens to babies that dont nap? They cry!! They are cranky. Cranky baby makes for a cranky mom. I am about to vomit due to motion sickness from swaying my son back and forth and he still wont nap. Every time his eyes are about to shut, "BOOM!" and it startles the sh*t out of him.

Have I mentioned that I still havent forgiven you for starting on the house right next door when we brought our newborn son home? That lot sat empty for months with a SOLD sign. MONTHS. EMPTY. And you decided the best time to start building would be when the couple in the house next door was bringing home a new baby for the very first time. As if trying to figure out a baby wasnt stressful enough.

Lets also mention the flat tires we've had. THREE. Thanks to your construction workers who dont pick up the nails in the alley. If I'm with my husband who has eagle eyes, he'll stop and pick them up. And how about the constant blocking of the alley on BOTH sides. I know its you, cause you're the only home builder left in our neighborhood. I cant afford to keep paying for new tires. How do you expect me to get into the house? Oh, go around the front and carry all my sh*t up the steps while carrying a 20lb baby? Why dont you try that?

I'm running out of ideas. I have tried sounds machines, swaying, different rooms and nothing has worked. I suggest we work on a compromise because I'm about to lose my 'effin' mind.

Best Regards,
Susan

Big Week

Chloe Update first: So Chloe is still with us. We were originally planning to drop Chloe off with Adam's parents during the weekend. I think if we had dropped her off the following day, I would not have changed my mind, but because we had to wait a few days, I just couldn't do it. Too many tears. Chloe has learned to walk away when Grayson gets near her now.

Grayson update:

I'm surprised our neighbors haven't called CPS on me. Between the breathing treatments, the snot sucking and teething pains, we've pretty much had tears in this household 24/7. I called the nurse on Thursday the 16th and just said Grayson was coughing and hacking and they wanted us to come in of course. Doctor said it was a cold and nothing he could do. By the weekend, Grayson was wheezing and we had to take him to an after hours pediatrician where we had our first breathing treatment. Thank goodness Adam was with me.

Grayson cried and screamed for the entire 7 minutes. I felt so bad I almost cried. They sent us home with an inhaler instead. By Tuesday, Grayson wasn't getting any better so back to the doctor we went. Turns out his cold turned into a double ear infection and bronchiolitis. Two steroid shots, another breathing treatment and lots of tears later, we were sent home with our very own nebulizer and some antibiotics. It took Grayson two days (8 treatments) and Baby Einstein videos for him to finally not cry while we do our treatments.

And to make matters worse, he cut his two top front teeth. I am 100% sure about one, and 95% sure about the other and I swear the two on either side of those are also getting ready to come in. I cant be certain because he wont let me look at his teeth.

Grayson also perfected pulling up to a stand. So exciting until I realized I now had to teach him how to sit back down. After more tears, we spent an entire morning practicing getting back down. Little man decided he needed to practice some more on his own and ended up falling asleep while he was sitting:



I had no idea that was even possible. I can have all Grayson's toys spread out on the floor, but he will crawl over to the coffee table, pull up and start banging on the table for his fun.




Now we have to work on CIO again. Because he was sick, I ended up rocking him to sleep for every nap and bedtime. Now that he's better, I am trying to get him to fall asleep on his own. Its tough. The cries are so loud! After 5 mins, I go in and pick him up and his clings to me and nestles his head in my neck. How am I suppose to let him cry when he does that?!?!?! I guess that is why we are also dealing with separation anxiety.

We were sick over Christmas and I felt like it took weeks for us to finally get back to a normal routine and just as we did, we got sick again. Does this cycle ever end?? We're going back to the doctor on Tuesday to make sure everything is looking good and I am hoping he's got some advice for me! I will say, I don't mind the extra snuggle time because I don't get to hold Grayson as much as I use to. He'd much rather be on the floor moving than confined in his mommy's arms.

7 months

Little G is 7 months!





A couple of pics from his 7 month pictures. He looks so grown up especially in the picture in the left. He is trying to pull up there. Here is what Gray is doing:

Trying to pull to a stand
Napping a little better
He now stays awake anywhere from 2.5 hrs to 3 depending on his naps
If he takes two 2 hr naps then he doesn't need a 3rd nap. If not then he usually has a cat nap.
We are almost on all formula.
Eating and eating and more eating ( solids)
Still army crawling
Talking- lots or random noises no repetition and nothing like dada or baba
Starting to pull up on his own and he has sat up on his own once!

And we are sick again :(


Love this little guy so much!


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My heart is breaking

My heart is breaking tonight because Adam and I had to make a tough decision.





We have decided we have to give Chloe up. Tonight while Grayson and Chloe were playing she snapped at him. It all happened so quickly. I was getting ready to take a picture because it was so cute and all of a sudden, Chloe was up, had growled, barked and snapped at his face.

I feel like we are abandoning our first child. It is breaking my heart.

I keep wondering what Chloe is going to think when she realizes that she won't see Adam or me or Grayson. I know she may have snapped but she loves little g. She was licking his face right before it happened.

Don't think I will be getting any sleep tonight.

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DEFEATED

I feel defeated. Like nothing I do is right. I dont know what it is, but Grayson has been SUPER fussy and needy this week. Is it teething? Could be, but how do you really know? Aren't they always teething? IS it the "I want my mommy phase"? Maybe, because when I put him in the play pen and walk away, he cries. I have to sneak out when he turns the other way so I can go to the bathroom real quick before he notices. Why are you waking up so darn early? Do I need to drop the last nap? We kind of tried that a few weeks ago and it didnt really work out. Do we need to try again? Is it because you are learning you cant always have it your way. Maybe. This last part leaves me in tears too. When I tell Grayson "no" or "we dont do that" in my regular voice, he laughs at me. He thinks its funny. But when I tell Grayson "no" or "we dont do that" in a deep raised voice, he cries. Then I cry. I feel like THE worse person in the world when I do that. I know its parenting, but really? At 6 months? I know I have to start now because he is starting to go for things that could hurt him. He also cries when I take away his toys because its time to eat. I must be strong. Sometimes I think would life be easier if I was working and he was in "school". It's always greener on the other side, right? But then he'll smile so big or laugh so hard, and I know that I wouldnt want to be anywhere else, but right here on the floor chasing after him. And here I am getting teary eyed again. My mom tells me everyday that babies are unpredictable and constantly changing. She tells me to just go with the flow. She's been telling me that since day 1 and here we are almost 7 months later and I still havent figured out how to just "go with the flow". I'm getting better. Usually when we have days of fussiness, I go through all the baby books I have or google "why is my baby crying". I havent opened any baby books yet, although I did order the second babywise and its sitting on our coffee table. I dont know how my mom did it. They came to the US when I was 1 and didnt know english or have any money. Then my sister came along and she didnt have help. She had to work 7 days a week, then come home to take care of me and my sister. I need to channel her strength. I love Grayson more than anything. Grayson and Adam make my heart full, but sometimes I just want to curl up in the corner and hide. Maybe now would be the time to go schedule that massage, mani and pedi......

Grayson 6 months

December and January have been kind of crazy. Grayson got his bottom two teeth. The first one broke through on December 14 with a second one breaking through the following week. Then we celebrated Grayson's first Christmas with an ear infection. Poor little guy was so congested, he couldnt breathe through his nose. That was an exhausting 3 weeks. He didnt nap and wasnt really eating because he couldnt breathe. There was lots and lots of crying. One of the best purchases I have made so far is this:

You stick the tube right outside of the nostril and suck out the snot. BEST INVENTION EVER. The little bulbs they give you at the hospital are worthless. When Grayson got sick, we all got sick. After his cold cleared up, I got hit with the stomach virus. Thankfully, we are all happy and healthy now.

At 6 months, Grayson does not sit still. Try having him sit in your lap and reading to him and you'll find it impossible. He either wants to climb all over you or eat the book. I tried taking a picture of him with his lion friend and they all came out blurry cause he doesnt stay still.



We started formula and he loves his solids. He loves pears, apples, bananas, avocados, peas, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, oatmeal, fish and congee (a Chinese soupy rice). He dislikes carrots and chicken. We'll revisit those again soon, but right now I do not have the patience to try to feed those to him again.

We decided to take Grayson to the park for some pictures. Once again, most of them came out blurry because he is constantly moving.

First time in a swing:
First time down the slide:



He is pooping regularly, but hates diaper changes. Try changing a poopy diaper with legs and arms all over the place. You have to be prepared.

Sometime during the week he turned 6 months, he learned how to army crawl. That 100% is the reason why he doesnt stay still:

When we were taking pictures, he kept going after the lens cap. His favorite toys now are Chloe, Chloe's bones, house slippers and door stoppers.

His little (more like BIG) personality is shining through. He is very determined/stubborn. Wont stop until he gets what he wants. I need to start distinguishing his "I am really in pain" cry versus " I am crying because you wont give me what I want". He loves to play and laugh. It's so fun watching him interact with other babies too.

I feel liberated.

Ahhhhh.......

That's me on my way to feeling liberated. I was hit with the stomach virus about two weeks ago. I couldn't hold down water for two days and I couldn't eat for five. Needless to say my milk supply greatly decreased.

I have been debating for weeks what I wanted to do about breastfeeding. I was torn. I know it's the best for him, but I was starting to resent it. It. Not him. I haven't been nursing him for a few months now. Only pumping. So imagine, just sitting there for 25 mins attached to a machine with no place to go...4 times a day, sometimes 6 or 7 if I was trying to increase my supply.

After I recovered from the stomach virus, I spent three days pumping 6 times a day for 25 mins each. After being unsuccessful, I decided it was time to just go ahead and wean to formula. Now I only pump 3 times a day for 10 mins each. SO HAPPY! I gave breastfeeding a go for 6 months when I was ready to quit back at 1 month.

I dont know why society makes us feel so bad about not breastfeeding. We just have to do whats right for us and not judge others on their decision.

Working on some 6 month Grayson pics and will post more soon!


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